you blame the stations when they play you like a fool

What someone chooses to do/not to do, doesn't define them as cool.
Being "cool" has too many interpretations.
Idealize.
Criticize.

It's really nothing. Except perspective. Like a lot of things.
Why isn't personality enough?

Why isn't it enough in general?

just wait. you'll have it eventually.

I^M6&M%^*A5!&#TU@R4^^#E!!
stop trying so hard.

Next time.. Please tell the manager.

Last night I got home from the Chinese buffet where I managed to get out of paying eighteen dollars for a plate of rice (thanks to erin) and got home to eat my real dinner with my parents.
If this were a few years ago, I would have been so embarrassed to have actually spent a Saturday night home alone with my parents watching a movie, and I wouldn't dare tell anyone.
It's funny how cool we used to think we were by not hanging out with our parents because we were "so above that". And if we hung out with our parents instead of our friends that would be so lame..
But by thinking that, we were actually the lame ones.


My so called life is my new-found addiction.
Having a season of a TV show pathetically consumes your life, not allowing you to stop watching disk after disk. It's an easy distraction from doing homework/anything meaningful.


I'm such a hypocrite. Now I understand the whole "it's easier said than done" situation.


Trust me, I know how it feels, and it's the worst feeling in the world. I truly am sorry.

Everything that happens is from now on

So I have this tendency of missing school a lot..
I don't think I've ever really missed a full day, but there are countless amounts of times when I've either

A. Slept in, then come into school late because I was working on homework late the night before.
B. Slept in, then come into school late because I had too much homework so I slept in to miss a test I didn't have time to study for.
C. Not been woken up in the morning because my mom was convinced I didn't get enough sleep so she didn't wake me up in the morning so I could sleep in and go in late.
D. I had a soccer tournament that I didn't get home from until one AM, so I came in late.

Answer for this weekend: D.

This weekend, (besides for discovering that I am majorly of shape ---thanks so much D Coy, you did wonders for us--- and that it actually IS possible for me to experience the feeling of death in the form of exhaustion,) I realized that I always seem to find friendships in the most unlikely places..
This always happens when I go to a tournament.
It's not that I thought I wouldn't like these people.. It's just, if I don't click with someone right away, I automatically assume I'll never get past the "how are you" stage of the friendship.
I think I subconsciously put up a mental block, telling myself that since I'm not that good friends with that person right now, I never could be close to them because we don't have anything in common. I am then always surprised to find that I can easily talk to them about anything, and not feel like it's forced, so I don't know why I keep doing it.

Some people like almost everyone they meet.

This could be because their personality matches everyones'.. But most likely not.

It could be because they truly like all of the other person's qualities.. But that's not necessarily true either.

It's because instead of focusing on the negative qualities about the other person, (even if those are the more obvious ones,) they instead look for anything that's good about them. Or, they think of the reasons why they might act the way they do, and don't judge them for that. They're tolerant of differences and able to find the good in everyone no matter what.

So i guess this could be considered a shout out...

then they splashed into the deep blue sea

We rely way to much on other people.
We give too much power to others to control how we feel about ourselves, and how we feel in general..
I wish we didn't, but we do it anyways.

Does everyone really think so lowly of themselves that they need reassurance from others to have any self-confidence at all? Or even to let someone make them feel so horrible to the point where they can't stop repeating in their head what that person did/said?

We can't blame people for making us feel the way we do, because we make the choice to interpret how they act, and whether or not we are going to ignore it.. We choose to react the way we do, and we can't blame others for anything we have control over.

The only person who truly makes us feel bad about something is ourselves.
...It's hard to grasp this concept. Even with that said, we are still so vulnerable.. we can't help but allow other people to dictate how we feel.

I keep trying to convince myself that I'm past this immature state of mind, and that I could care less what people think.. but I'm just lying to myself.
For some reason I just can't get over it.

Oh my god, life is cold and formless

Things have been put into perspective this weekend.
My problems are gradually seeming more and more insignificant.

I don't know how you keep it all to yourself. You don't ever complain, even when you have the most reason to. You're the strongest person I know.
It's not fair. No one deserves this. I wish I knew what I could do.. I feel helpless.
I wish it could all be over.

world record: longest break between posts.

So i decided to re-enter the blogworld, because when I was a part of it for a whole, 4 blogs, i enjoyed it.
Then again, i don't know if I was technically accepted in considering I was never a consistent blogger.. But that's beside the point. All that matters is that I'm here now.

I feel like I have absolutely no motivation to do anything lately, when really there are a number of things I want to get done.
It's a vicious cycle starting with working on homework into the late hours of the night, then not being able to fall asleep, leading up to falling asleep during the classes that I should be paying the most attention in..

What's been getting me through however, is my recent re-discovery of blow pops.


I was thinking about this when I was going through my rebel stage over the summer, (ha) and something made me think about it recently..

Trust with someone is something you gain from getting to know them, learning what type of person they are, and how they deal with situations. So when you break someone's trust by lying to them, but they don't know that you broke it.. is the only reason we tell them the truth to make ourselves feel better? Because we feel so guilty, and the only way to rid ourselves of this horrible feeling is by telling them? Or is it because we're afraid they're going to find out the truth from someone else, so we figure it's better if it comes from us? Or is it the reason we want to believe.. because we sincerely feel that they have the right to know?

If you think about it, everything we do, as much as we think that we're not being selfish, is, in fact selfish. We do things to make ourself feel better. If we help someone out, it is to help them initially.. but it's also to make ourselves feel good about helping. If we tell someone the truth, when it's hard to do so, it's usually to make ourselves feel better and get it off our chests..

Maybe I'm just being a pessimist, but if you think about it.. aren't we always looking to make ourselves feel satisfied no matter how much we try and convince ourselves otherwise?

It makes me sick to my stomach.